I thought about father absence at the football game between Allen High School ( @AllenHS_Eagles ) and McKinney High School  ( @MHSLions )in the Dallas area. Fathers were invited to walk their children onto the field. The cheerleaders shared in that opportunity too. It was a proud moment, and I was glad to witness and participate in it.

Then I noticed a few young boys and girls without a father beside them. They were bright, talented, and full of promise. I celebrated the fathers who were there, but my heart stayed with those young people.

“A child should not have to fall apart before we listen. A smile, good grades, or a confident performance can exist alongside sadness. We must make room for children to speak about the parent they miss, even when they appear to be doing well.”

I did not know their stories. One missed event does not explain a father’s relationship with his child. Still, I wondered how many children attend occasions like this hoping their dad will come. As the match progressed, my Fatherless Generation series came to mind. Who is my dad? Why isn’t he here? Where do I belong? Have I done something wrong?

When Father Absence Hurts

A child can enjoy a celebration and still miss someone. They may have practised for weeks, looking forward to this day. Then they watch other children sharing it with their fathers and quietly wish they could do the same.

“Recognising what a child misses should lead to support, never shame. A parent raising children alone deserves practical help and understanding. We can honour their daily effort while helping them meet needs they should not have to carry alone.”

We sometimes overlook father absence because the child appears fine. They are smiling, performing well, and making everyone proud. But a child should not have to fall apart before we listen. Some will speak openly. Others may struggle to explain. We can make room for their feelings without guessing what they are or telling them to be grateful instead.

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The Fatherless Generation: Causes, Effects And Solutions

For Those Who Choose Single Parenthood

Some people deliberately choose to raise a child without the other parent’s involvement. That decision deserves careful reflection. Wanting a baby is understandable. Yet the baby will become a person with questions, feelings, and wishes of their own.

They may want to know their other parent. Perhaps they ask about family history or long for a relationship we assumed they would not need. Have we considered that tomorrow? Who will share the responsibilities? Who will help during illness or exhaustion? How will we answer difficult questions honestly?

These questions are an invitation to prepare thoughtfully. A parent’s love matters deeply, and so does considering needs beyond their own desire for parenthood.

For Those Who Never Planned to Parent Alone

Others never intended to raise children alone. Death, abandonment, separation, or circumstances beyond their control changed the family they expected to have. Sometimes leaving was necessary because staying was unsafe.

“Our pride, resentment, and convenience should not determine what our children carry into tomorrow. Where relationships are safe, children should be free to love both parents without guilt. Our decisions must consider their need for care, belonging, and peace beyond the disagreements we face today.”

To those parents, I want to speak gently. Protecting yourself and your children is part of caring for them. Your daily work matters: earning an income, getting everyone ready, attending school meetings, and remaining patient when you are tired.

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You deserve help that reaches beyond “You are so strong.” Someone can assist with transport. Others can offer dependable childcare. Friends can listen without asking you to defend your circumstances. We should offer practical support and keep offering it.

One Person Cannot Become Two Parents

A single parent can love deeply, guide wisely, and raise children who flourish. Still, one person cannot become two distinct parents. Carrying every responsibility does not create the separate relationship a child might have had with the other parent. Recognising this should lead to support, never shame.

Where both parents can participate safely and responsibly, their involvement matters. However, where that is impossible, trusted relatives, guardians, and mentors can provide care. The parent who remains should not have to prove they can manage everything before receiving help. And the parent who has withdrawn should not mistake that resilience for permission to remain uninvolved.

Addressing Father Absence

That walk onto the field was one opportunity to show up. Everyday life offers many more. A child wants to talk about practice. Sometimes they need help. They invite us to watch, listen, or spend time together. We can miss those invitations because we assume there will be another time.

No father can attend everything. But when we cannot come, we can explain, ask how it went, and make time afterwards. If we have repeatedly disappointed our children, we need to acknowledge the hurt. Then we need to keep the next promise.

Let Us Think About Tomorrow

Ultimately, parents must examine their decisions. Our pride, resentment, and convenience should not determine what our children carry into tomorrow. Where contact is safe, children should be free to love both parents without guilt. They should never become messengers in adult disagreements. Let us rise above selfishness and consider their future.

To the Child Asking, “What Have I Done Wrong?”

You have done nothing to make yourself undeserving of love. Your family circumstances do not diminish your worth, your talents, or the possibilities that lie ahead of you. Your story still has room for hopeful beginnings. Better grades or another award should never be needed to earn a parent’s care.

“You have done nothing to make yourself undeserving of love. A parent’s absence does not diminish your worth or make you responsible for their choices. You do not need better grades, more awards, or perfect behaviour to deserve care. Your feelings matter, and you deserve someone who will listen.”

You can appreciate those raising you and still miss your father. Please speak to a trusted adult when those feelings become heavy. My faith reminds me that God sees the child whose pain goes unnoticed. It also calls me to respond with care.

Meanwhile, play continued, but those young people stayed on my mind. Long after the final whistle, they will still need us.

How can we better support children experiencing father absence? Share your thoughts, and follow @iamsojiolateru as we continue this conversation.