Recently, I attended a football game at Allen High School, where my son plays for the Allen Eagles. Their unbeaten season fills me with pride. Yet the celebration also made me think about children caught in divorce, a concern that stayed with me longer than the score.
The school had arranged a beautiful tribute: each player would present a rose to his mother and take photographs with his parents. My wife and I stood proudly with our son. Yet some players had only one parent present, while a few appeared to have none beside them.
My heart sank. Who would receive their roses? Who would stand with them for the photographs?
I do not know those families’ circumstances. A parent might have been working, ill, or facing another genuine difficulty. Many children receive extraordinary love from one parent or guardian. Yet the scene stirred a concern in my Fatherless Generation series: what happens when a marriage breaks down and a parent’s presence disappears?
Fatherless Generation: Children Who Never Chose the Conflict
When couples separate, attention often centres on who was hurt and why the marriage failed. But amid the disagreements are children who never made those decisions. They did not create the conflict, yet they may be expected to carry its consequences.
“Children should never be left to solve an emotional puzzle they did not create.”
For some children caught in divorce, difficult questions surface during birthdays, graduations, and football games. A celebration can remind them of an absence they cannot change. Their family circumstances are not their shame. Their achievements and dignity remain entirely their own.
Before You Separate, Think About Their Tomorrow
To couples considering divorce, I write with compassion, not judgment. Some homes are unsafe because of abuse or violence; leaving may be necessary. No one should remain in danger to preserve a marriage.
But where your relationship is safe, and reconciliation is possible, have you explored every reasonable opportunity to heal?
Have you listened, sought counselling, and acknowledged mistakes? Have you considered how your children will be supported afterwards?
“Before you end a marriage, consider the childhood that continues after the relationship ends.”
This is not a request to endure harm for the children. It is a plea to think carefully about their needs, whether you reconcile or part ways.
Divorce Must Never Become Abandonment
I respect single parents’ sacrifices and separated parents who remain loving and present. Divorce does not automatically make a child fatherless or motherless. The real heartbreak begins when adults allow the end of a marriage to become the end of their parental commitment.
A father should not stay away from his son’s game simply because his former wife will be there. A mother should not turn her child into a messenger or make love for a father feel like disloyalty. Children should not be asked to take sides in a conflict between adults.
“Your marriage may end, but your responsibility to your child does not.”
The American Academy of Paediatrics offers practical guidance on helping children adjust to divorce and separation. Its central message is worth remembering: put the child’s needs first, keep them out of adult disputes, and reassure them that they are loved.
Where it is safe and appropriate, show up. Call. Listen. Keep your promises. Celebrate their victories and stand beside them after disappointments.
The Photograph That Stayed With Me
I keep thinking about the roses at Allen High School. I remember the joy of standing with my wife beside our son. I also remember those players who appeared to have no parent beside them, and I wondered what that moment might mean for a young person already coping with parental absence.
Imagine watching teammates pose for photographs with their families while you have no parent there to stand with you. A ceremony meant to honor every player could, for someone, become an uncomfortable reminder of circumstances beyond their control.
No child should have to experience embarrassment, humiliation, or shame because of decisions made by adults.
They did not create the conflict, choose the separation, or decide who would attend. No child should have to explain a parent’s absence before friends and spectators.
As I wrote in The Fatherless Generation: Causes, Effects and Solutions, parental absence can raise questions children struggle to voice.
A Heartfelt Appeal to Every Parent
If your marriage can be repaired safely, please do not let pride prevent you from seeking help. If separation is necessary, protect your children from bitterness. Give them stability, affection, and the freedom to love the people who care for them.
To every single parent who keeps showing up, your sacrifice matters. To every child who has experienced abandonment, you did nothing to cause it, and your worth is not reduced by it.
I went to a football game to celebrate my son. I left thinking about the responsibility every parent carries beyond the final whistle.
The roses will fade, and the photographs will be put away. But children may remember who stood beside them, and who was missing, for a lifetime.
When your child looks into the crowd, will you be there?
What can parents do to protect children caught in divorce or separation? Share your thoughts in the comment section and pass this reflection along to someone who may need it.
Follow @iamsojiolateru for more reflections on marriage, parenting, fatherhood, and the Fatherless Generation.
